


To Have a Stolen Soul - Parabatai Severed

by alexanderfightwood



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Nightmares, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, jace's five minute death, malec is present but not written, not spoiler free, post season two finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 08:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderfightwood/pseuds/alexanderfightwood
Summary: Okay, so what happened to Alec in the finale is something that effects him to his core. He’s pretending he’s fine but it’s a lie. He's suffering from nightmares and flashbacks, and his bond with Jace still feels cracked.A drabble written for my Alec Lightwood tumblr RP blog.





	To Have a Stolen Soul - Parabatai Severed

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to apologize ahead of time for any errors as I don't have a beta reader.

_Jace_.

Alec laid next to Magnus, his mind running so fast he knew he’d never catch up. He held his beloved warlock a little closer, simply taking the comfort he was too scared to ask for during waking hours. In the perfect warmth of the New York loft Alec was freezing. The kind you couldn’t feel though. His body was running hot as usual, but the blood in his veins made him chilled to the bone.

He hated this, laying in bed, staying still for hours, pretending to sleep when he felt magnus get up early. He wondered when Magnus would notice that while Alec was badgering him to sleep properly, Alec himself was staying up to the same late hours, waiting for him. If the man ever found out the shadowhunter’s sleeping schedule was worse Alec knew he’d be in big  trouble.

He couldn’t help it though, every moment he closed his eyes he was assaulted. The feeling of cold tile against his hands, familiar hands on his back, and a searing pain running through his very being. He’d heard of parabatai bonds breaking, heard of the horror and had feared it. But, until a piece of your soul is actually ripped from you, it’s unimaginable. It wasn’t just a part being ripped from you, but pried, scraped off the very essence of you. Alec had never felt that kind of pain in his life. He’d have easily taken a thousand arrows to his heart than feel that again.

Yet, every night that exhaustion pulled him to it’s dark depths that very pain enveloped him, surrounded him, smothered him. Alec had nightmares, the kind that made you gasp for air as you entered the world of the living, the kind that made tears boil inside out of sheer fear. Alec, who all his life had slept shirtless now wore one of his old sweaters, almost like it would somehow protect his bonding rune. He’d never been more thankful to wake up without Magnus in bed, knowing the man would know something was wrong immediately. If his boyfriend wasn’t so busy trying to correct his choices of aiding the seelie queen he’d probably see through Alec’s facade.

What was worse? Jace was fine, or more accurately, he was pretending. Acting as if the fear and hurt Alec felt through their bond was due to the raven-haired himself. Sure, Alec shared those feelings, but Jace’s were of a different variety. He wouldn’t talk to Alec, tell him what really happened. Alec knew if he opened up about the state their severed tie had brought upon him Jace would be more likely to open up to him, only he knew his parabatai. If Jace knew the kind of stress this was causing Alec he’d fall into a pit of guilt.

So, Alec hung on. Trying to pretend the nightmares weren’t terrifying, trying to pretend that that lost piece of him was still there, pretending that the searing pain of lying on the institute floor as he was pulled apart by the universe didn’t kill him every second. He pressed his lips to Magnus’ shoulder, so thankful to the man he loved. Though, as he felt the warlock shift his eyes fell closed, his body going limp and he let Magnus  _sneak_  out of bed without a word. He knew he’d return in a few hours when Alec was meant to wake up, and claim he’d only been gone minutes, as routine had dictated as of late.

As Alec laid in the now empty bed, eyes closed as he tried to stop the crashing thoughts of pain and death that filled him, tried not to let the very tearing of his soul break him, he wondered if it would ever get easier. It had been weeks and he was no closer to being better than the very second it happened, but… he was fine, and he’d continue to tell that lie.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated, if you want to interact with me or send me prompts just go to my tumblr: [alecgfightwood](http://alecgfightwood.tumblr.com/).


End file.
